Writing Columns

In his homily on the Solemnity of Mary on the first day of this year, Anchor columnist Father Roger Landry examined the Gospel reference to Our Lady, who “kept all these things reflecting on them in her heart.” The importance of the phrase is underscored by the fact that Saint Luke used it twice: first after the shepherds appeared at the instigation of heavenly visitors to pay homage to the infant Jesus in Bethlehem, and subsequently as the Holy Family left Jerusalem together after three days of anxious searching for their missing child. Surely Jesus’ words at the moment his parents discovered him in the Temple only added to what Mary had regularly pondered over the course of her life.

No doubt she allowed that memory to nestle alongside many others: the Annunciation, the Visitation, the Nativity, the visit by the shepherds and magi, the flight into Egypt, the return to Nazareth, and the subsequent quiet years of patiently watching the extraordinary child participate in ordinary family life. Eventually she would add to it the  wisdom Christ offered over the course of his public ministry, and ultimately the details of his passion, death and resurrection. Digging into the original Greek, Father Landry notes that the Gospel would be “more literally rendered that Mary ‘put them together’ like the pieces of a mosaic and she ‘held on to them,’ the way we would hold onto a treasure.” To that end, he likened the things on which she pondered as the individual pieces—tesserae—that together form a beautiful and coherent image of the marvelous plan of God.

If I may be so bold, I would like to take use that image as it relates to the Ordinary Synod on Marriage to be held in Rome in October of this year, and to ask women of faith to dig into their own storehouse of memories to discern what treasures God has entrusted to them—treasures of incomparable value to the life of the Church. Although the headlines on any given day would remind us of the crisis the West in its understanding of marriage, our own encounters and experiences in recent years do not only give flesh to those concerns, but also provide lamps of hope and stability in a darkened landscape. While most statistics are indeed troublesome, the witness of persons of faith truly show what the grace of God can do to alleviate the difficulties.
This would be an excellent time to answer the call specifically given to women in the closing documents of the Second Vatican Council: “The hour is coming, in fact has come, when the vocation of women is being acknowledged in its fullness, the hour in which women acquire in the world an influence, an effect and a power never hitherto achieved. That is why, at his moment when the human race is undergoing so deep a transformation, women imbued with a spirit of the Gospel can do so much to aid humanity in not falling.”

It is interesting that those words were written in exactly fifty years ago—at the same time that the feminist movement was gaining traction in the West, and when so many currents in popular culture were coalescing in ways that would undermine marriage, the family, and the human person. Strident feminist voices agreed that the influence of women should finally be felt, but their methodology proved antithetical to the intentions of the Council Fathers. Feminists also appealed to the experiences of women—not in the light of authentic revelation or communion with men—but rather in isolation from God and neighbor, encouraging women to prioritize the self at the expense of others, promoting a myopic view of femininity that was as distorted as it was toxic to the wider community.

Considering the particular rebellion we have sown, which has reaped for us myriad trials, tears, and trauma beyond the usual inheritance of sin, women should now reflect on what a culture ought to prioritize for the good of each person. Decades of mistaken choices can be redeemed only if they are wrapped in contrition and laid on the altar; there God will enfold them in his own Passion and restore them as newfound fonts of wisdom. As Father Landry suggests, we need to look to Mary—“emulating her contemplative heart”—in order to discover God’s plan, which depends on strong and holy marriages. In the coming year, this column will consider the major themes that will constitute the work of the Ordinary Synod, but surely those truths are self-evident in the lives of women who know God and his great mercy. Let’s work diligently to share them with the rest of the Church, beginning with those we love.

My first reaction to the judicial decision to call same-sex unions “marriages” was the grief and discouragement common to many, but it quickly gave way to a sense of relief. This may be surprising—even scandalous—but there it is. There is no more pretending that we’ve effectively carried forth a Judeo-Christian culture into the 21^st century, or that we are grounded in the natural law that guided the Founding Fathers. We’ve jettisoned basic moral principles, and now the courts have recognized that truth: the truth that we will not be guided by truth.

Until now, we could call ourselves Christians while paying mere lip-service to divine precepts. Modernity decreed that human life was expendable, sexual intimacy mere sport, and suffering a horror. Goodness could be severed from godliness, purity is actually prudery, love a passing sentiment, and righteousness bigotry. Today, the noblest religion is the one entrenched in vague and muddled pieties, and the prevailing fraud enjoys the patina of legal sanction. The irony of materialists rejecting biological truth, spiritual souls disparaging religious liberty, and diversity gurus denouncing certain creeds is lost on the bulk of the Rainbow Coalition, but that is to be expected. Students of history have seen this all before.

How do we find peace within the pagan culture that has overtaken us? It’s a question of attitude—an attitude that must be adjusted if we are to bear the proper witness. If we believe that we are to wrest the nation back from those who have destroyed its great potential, we will destroy ourselves. Every news story will cause us to grind our teeth, every display of debauchery will send us into orbit. We can mourn and sob and sigh over how things used to be, with the result that we will be the most morose souls around. We will attract and inspire precisely no one.

A better approach to this new normal is to remember what it teaches us about truth. When there is no truth, all things are permissible—and these things will be paraded before us like a pageant of nightmares. Why should we be shocked? We are a sinful race that has lost sight of its sinfulness, and there is nothing new under the sun. If Nero married a man—whom he castrated and decked in his murdered wife’s gowns—what can we add to the mix? Christians should know the drill: why should we expect those who utterly reject God to choose virtue over vice—or even to recognise the difference?

Interestingly, the reason we expect more is that we believe natural law to be self-evident, and that good makes itself known in the bosom of all persons. That may be so when a soul is inclined to distinguish the good, but when the conscience has been deliberately buried in sensuality for decades, nature has been renounced as a man-made construct, and authority has been defined as an obstacle to freedom, then 2015 is the most natural of destinations.
We must weep for the children—and they’re all God’s children—and commit ourselves to the truth. Our bodies are made for faithful, fruitful love and our souls are ordered to happiness. This is not the short-sighted happiness of a hook-up generation, but eternal beatitude made possible through the blood of Christ. If we remain close to the sacraments and show others what authentic love makes possible, we will offer an attractive alternative to this confused generation. The tranquility of God’s order must reside in our hearts and radiate from there—for grace alone can counteract the madness of the day.

Before one considers the point of Marriage, one must remember the point of life, which is to discover God and to serve Him. While Americans can take justifiable pride in their Declaration of Independence, which prioritizes life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, Catholics know that God is the Source of all three. Furthermore, He is the One Who, through grace, makes each of them possible in the fullest way. Here we will consider one aspect of life as it relates to Marriage.

We are all subject to the effects of original sin, which not only severed our intimacy with God, but served to darken our intellect, weaken our will, and disorder our passions. Additionally, that primal sin had a particular consequence each for men and women that compromised their relationship with one another, so that the intimacy which should be such a delight is also a source of pain. Men would find work a burden, women would suffer in bringing new life into the world, and their rapport would be poisoned by grasping and intimidation (cf. Gn 3:16-19). All mankind would be living in perpetual darkness and sorrow without the redemptive sacrifice offered by Christ.

Thus, while sin compromises Marriage at its heart, the very means through which we can reunite with God also provides the remedy for the residual difficulties between men and women. Sacramental Marriage provides the graces to heal and elevate the partners whose complementary relationship would be otherwise grievously difficult.

While one of the ends of Marriage is children, before considering that dimension we must look at the life of the spouses, who seek happiness with each other. If they are not fully alive, there is already a problem in the home. And in what does the fullness of life consist? Jesus, of course, “in Whom we live, and move, and have our being” (Acts 17:29). St. Irenaeus explains it this way: “When Christ became Incarnate and was made Man, He recapitulated in Himself the long history of mankind and procured for us a ‘short cut’ to Salvation, so that what we had lost in Adam, that is, being in the image and likeness of God, we might recover in Christ Jesus.”

So being united to Christ is foundational to the life of husband and wife, who can be healed and continually restored, even as sin consistently creeps in. Each man — charged with the care of the spouse entrusted to him — can thereby find the strength to work for her good, to provide what is necessary despite the great human cost, and to find joy in tasks that would be burdensome without an understanding of the Incarnation that elevates all things. He should kneel at the foot of the cross of Christ and offer his own burden to the Father, and while there he can also look sideways to see the faithful disciple, John, who never wavered in his fidelity to the mission of the Bridegroom.

Likewise, each woman — charged with fostering new life in myriad ways — can lay her anxieties and frustrations at the foot of the cross, wherein Christ conquered fear and death once and for all. As she is doing this, she too can look sideways to see Mary, the perfect bride, who stands firmly rooted, ready to mother all — even those who have yet to know her warm embrace.

The cross is at the heart of all Marriages — Sacramental or otherwise. One cannot escape it. The difference is that God makes available the graces needed to transform the suffering into joy, for only in Christ is true union possible — with one another and with the Father, the source of all life; and in this way, Marriage offers a blessed path to serving God and saving one another.

“Matrimony is an older word for Marriage — but it remains quite recognizable today.Merriam-Webster [still] defines it as “the joining together of a man and woman as husband and wife.” Looking into the history of the word, we learn that it originated in Middle-English in the 14th century, and the Latin root is matrimonium, from matr-,mater, meaning “mother.” Fancy that — Marriage was ordered towards children.

Accordingly, Marriage is supposed to provide a stable environment where children can thrive, and that begins with the promises that the mother and father make to each other. Such stability greatly diminishes the normal anxieties of every life, caused by a combination of growing, changing, learning, and losing. Having reliable points of reference in a shifting world is critical to a child’s well-being.

Another element that children count on is honesty — and knowing forthrightly how they fit into the world and who is a part of their family. Certainly, every family is a kaleidoscope of personalities with a wide variety of pursuits, but a child finds great comfort in knowing who he is in relation to those around him. He also needs to know his Spiritual heritage — Who God is and what God asks of him. Unfortunately, we often neglect such truths, and being distracted by worldly pursuits we forget what really satisfies.

If we were honest with our children, we would give them the stability of God, and the truth about how they are to respond to His grace. We would admit that we are pilgrims beside them — perhaps a few steps further along in the journey — but struggling just like they are to avoid temptation and to choose the good.

Marriage is designed to make mothers of women — Spiritual and physical. If the latter is impossible, the former certainly is not. It’s essential. St. Augustine reminds us that Mary conceived Jesus by faith before she conceived Him in the Flesh — thus He was in her heart before He was in her womb. By the same token, women of faith can embrace many Spiritual children — those who would benefit greatly by their maternal solicitude, beginning quietly with prayer.

What does a woman do with her Spiritual motherhood? She offers stability and honesty. In her pilgrimage to God, she is called to be a rock of refuge for others — a solid source of comfort, attuned to the anxiety and suffering of those around her. She doesn’t need to know the particulars, but if others do entrust her with the details, she will know that the first crisis described to her often isn’t the real problem. It’s usually a symptom of something else, something deeper.

Grounded in honesty, using tact, discretion, and patience, a woman who follows God’s lead can mother a soul to the truth — whatever truth is lacking as the cause of the crisis. Peace is the tranquility of order, and truth breeds its own calm. A Spiritual mother knows this.

Finally, she will be a bridge to the Father, because every child needs a father. Women who have been healed — often walking through the flames of their own purification — know that fatherhood is essential to the well-being of children. Many fine men work diligently, collaborating to build those secure homes founded on honesty, but unfortunately, some have lost the thread. Some neglect the fact that they stand as icons of God, but it’s never too late. “I will restore the years the locusts have eaten,” God promised (Jl 2:25). For those who missed out, please God let them find a Spiritual mother with an open heart — and a father ready to help.

Cultural fissures are widening around us as people consider which laws they will obey and which they find intolerable. We chafe, we moan, we stiffen, and we grouse — who has the authority to tell us what we can and cannot do? Who will decide the ground rules to which all must conform? It is essential to consider what makes a law just, and what we are to do when our conscience rebels.

Many appeal to their gut as the final arbiter, but there is a tremendous difference between an uninformed opinion and a well-formed conscience. Concerning the latter, we read in the “Catechism” that it “enjoins him at the appropriate moment to do good and to avoid evil” (CCC No. 1777). And rather than operating in a vacuum, the Church reminds us that conscience “bears witness to the authority of truth in reference to the supreme Good to which the human person is drawn, and it welcomes the Commandments. When he listens to his conscience, the prudent man can hear God speaking” — or as Cardinal John Henry Newman noted, the conscience is for each of us “the aboriginal Vicar of Christ.”

It is essential that Christians form their consciences properly by praying, staying close to the Sacraments, and studying the moral law. We should not be led by stray feelings, or the vagaries of emotion, which can easily be misled. To submit to the teachings of the Church is a safeguard against our own limited and compromised horizon; and while the topic of Marriage is no different from a host of others, admittedly it does cut closer to the bone than most — thus, we proceed with caution.

We live in a precarious time in which God and Caesar disagree strongly about where good and evil lie. People of faith, long lulled into a false sense of comfort in their ostensibly Judeo-Christian culture, must now fully awaken, consider the new parameters, and think about where legitimate authority rests. On one hand, there are those who say that Marriage is a private commitment solely between the parties, and in which no one else has the right to interfere; then there are those who believe that Marriage is what the state allows it to be; and finally there are those who believe that Marriage is an institution ordained by God for the benefit of society and the sanctity of those who participate in it. Hence, we are witnessing the collision of ideas in a deeply divided country, and no one can escape the carnage.

An added difficulty presents itself in that the people we know and love dearly differ in their understanding of the definition of Marriage. We may be a little elastic on the details, and are pulled up short when someone else suggests to us that Marriage is an institution that confers lifelong graces to a indissoluble union; or we ourselves may trust the Church’s teaching and be frustrated by others who cannot see how Catholic truths about Marriage invite us into the Paschal Mystery itself. How do we love those around us, affirm them in their good intentions, and yet speak firmly about Marriage as a gift with responsibilities attached. It’s almost impossible in polite society — not to mention the workplace!

You are not alone — we’re all struggling to find equilibrium where it may be impossible. That is why the “Catechism,” a well-formed conscience, and intense prayer are our only refuges. We cannot expect that the moral law be purged from the public square without it shredding the very fabric of our personal lives. Keep in mind, though, that Jesus told Pilate, “You would have no power over Me unless it had been given you from above” (Jn 19:11). Subsequently, the death meted out at the discretion of that earthly ruler was conquered in the very Paschal Mystery that gives life and meaning to Marriage. Easter should remind us of the power of truth, and to trust God in the matter of Marriage.

America is famous for its sense of personal freedom, which is interpreted in a strictly libertarian fashion. From the Pilgrims who sought to worship as they sought fit, to the early settlers who left the established towns and headed West, this country has held an abiding admiration for singular souls. It’s not only the Independent Man atop Rhode Island’s State House that illustrates the point—we have long delighted in heroes and entertainers who bucked convention and did it their way.While courage and integrity are to be admired in the right context, it may be that the rugged individualism at our core has undermined a proper understanding of the sacrament of marriage. Although marriage does involve a man and a woman who vow to undertake a singular mission, there is more to it than that. In the Old Testament, we learn about covenants, and we see that when God graciously bound himself to Abraham, it was not for Abraham alone but for the good of the community. When the Chosen People were faithful to the covenant, the community prospered, but when infidelity or irreverence crept in, everyone suffered. Covenants are, by their nature, communal.

This view appears to run at cross-purposes with the freedoms we imagine are for our own good—especially when freedom is confused with license to act in ways that run contrary to our nature. This topic was addressed by the Second Vatican Council, which summarized : “The well-being of the individual person and of both human and Christian society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life” (Gaudium et Spes, 47).

If we look at this “intimate partnership” as a layered reality, perhaps it will help in creating a stronger foundation for all who undertake it. Rather than entering into a marriage for the sake of individual happiness, the first step is to remember that this sacrament is a means of “[rendering] mutual help and service to each other” in pursuit of holiness and perfection (GS, 48). The next layer embraces the children, who naturally broaden the intimate circle, and then that shared mission becomes a wondrous source of joy—and purification!

The next layer of the circle encompasses extended family, neighbors, the parish and school communities, but as the demands grow it is essential to remember the first principles: the children’s well-being is paramount, depending on a healthy bond between the parents, and only with that stability in place can the wider community benefit. We are not just individuals but persons made for communion with others, and partners in a covenant in which God is an active participant. Surely this is not easy, as John Paul II reminded us: “Love between man and woman cannot be built without sacrifices and self-denial.”

It is common for people to dismiss previous generations who rejected divorce “for the sake of the children,” but we must look honestly at the results of such disdain. Has society benefited by our individualistic approach to “freedom?” Are we more satisfied by having pitted our happiness against the needs of the wider community? Have the children benefitted by a looser approach to marital bonds? Fidelity to our vows is certainly a challenge, but John Paul II explained: “As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.”

God has promised adequate graces to help us in the challenges intrinsic to marriage, and countless spouses have benefited by them. If prayer has changed the impossible into the possible in your life, now is the time to share that hard-won wisdom with others thirsting for solid advice. If the accumulation of time and suffering have transformed your understanding of what is really important, pray about how to spread that particular insight with those who need to hear it. And if someone turns to you to share such a treasure, be sure to listen—for they know whereof they speak!